In my humble opinion, one cannot understand where they are headed without knowing where they’ve been. Last night my first love got married. My friends from high school were all together again for the wedding. We had a wonderful weekend of reminiscing the good times and making new memories. We are all the same personalities, but our lives have changed so much. We talked about where we’ve been, where we are, and where we are headed. Another marriage and it seems like we are falling like dominos, and settling into our lives.
Gone are the days of being children and daydreaming of what our lives would become. Now is the time that we choose our paths, if we haven’t already set a course in motion. And we are all so different. The perfect relationship couples are living up their single lives. The home bodies have moved away. The girl who was never satisfied said “I do.” The progressive feminist has settled down with her conventional farm boy. We have all strayed from our ideal selves, but we’re all happy. That’s all that really matters. So what about me? As I prepare for the trip home from the wedding, I don’t feel changed. I feel like the same happy-go-lucky guy from high school who dreamed of traveling. But I know that I am changed because a lot of my insecurities have faded with my acne.
But no matter how secure, weddings are events that make us take inventory of our lives. In two months, I’ll be on my own, experiencing unfamiliar places. And while my friends think I’m strange for choosing to travel alone, I feel the same way about settling down with someone. Some people are happy with who they are at earlier ages than other. Will I ever feel secure enough with myself to build a life? But as Eckhart Tolle tells us in The Power of Now, “I” and “self” are two different people. So it is as if I am battling with myself. Ugh. I’ve got a long way to go.
In this ramble of chaotic thoughts about direction and life, I discovered that maybe I am not going on this trip alone, but rather “I” am traveling with “myself.” Ideally along the way, the two will join paths. But I know that I come from a place where dreams of the world can be clouded by tradition. I understand the positives and negatives of both my life and the lives of my friends. As I said before, “We have all strayed from our ideal selves, but we’re all happy. That’s all that really matters.” And I don’t think I would be happy taking this journey without examining all the routes that I have passed to get to this point. I have loved. I have lost. I have succeeded. I have failed. But those events have got me to this point, and I can’t wait to see what is in store next.